Am I the asshole?

"Arrivederci" (arrividerci)
06/09/2016 at 10:20 • Filed to: None

You know the old saying - if everybody you encounter is an asshole, then you’re probably the asshole, right? I’m beginning to think that I’m the asshole.

On the way into the office, part of my route takes me on this industrial connector road, speed limit of 35mph increasing to 40mph. It has a couple nice long sweepers with no business entrances or sidestreets that I admittedly enjoy taking rather briskly.

This morning, when I got to this part of my route, I was cruising along at about 45mph and a car pulled out in front of me out of an apartment complex. They didn’t cut me off, but I did have to slow my pace. No big deal. We approach the first sweeper and they slow to about 20-25mph. I have no idea what’s going on and I just lift off the gas and coast, which since they’re still slowing for some reason, brings me to tailgating status. I don’t accelerate to stay at this position and as they finally start to go, they pull away.

As we approach the next sweeper, they do the same thing. I don’t accelerate, just coast, same result. They then turn on their four-way flashers and start weaving. Accelerate, I match with a normal following distance, then slow. Accelerate then slow. Weave, accelerate then slow. Four way flashers on the entire time.

It’s maybe 7:30am, but I’m wondering if I’m behind a drunk or drugged driver. When they pull up to an upcoming intersection, they turn off the flashers and signal to turn left. I signal to make my right and slow behind them, to get a picture of their license plate to report to the police as a potential DUI/DWI. As I pull past, the passenger puts her window down and proceeds to yell at me. I don’t say anything and pull away.

Was I the asshole?

DISCUSSION (48)

crowmolly > Arrivederci
06/09/2016 at 10:24

IMO, nope.

Unless those curves had a lowered speed limit the other driver was doing 20 under.

Azrek > Arrivederci
06/09/2016 at 10:28

It is their world...you just live in it.

“Special Guest Star”: You

My citroen won't start > Arrivederci
06/09/2016 at 10:29

I’ve come to realize that I am the asshole. Almost always

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > Arrivederci
06/09/2016 at 10:29

No.

Arrivederci > crowmolly
06/09/2016 at 10:29

Nah, they’re part of the normal 40mph there. One of the industrial complexes there uses those big dump trucks, and I’ve seen those guys take that section easily at 50mph, laden or unladen. It’s just a nice section of back-to-back sweepers.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Arrivederci
06/09/2016 at 10:30

Ego-stroking/self-comfort. Four way flashers + weaving = “HOW DARE YOU DRIVE SO UNSAFELY! I AM TAKING IMPORTANT STEPS TO MAKE SURE THIS POOR DEFENSELESS STREET SWEEPER AND OTHERS LIKE HIM ARE PROTECTED! YOU WILL NOT PASS HIM UNSAFELY - OR ME! - ON MY WATCH”. It’s the white knight instinct expressed in among the stupidest ways imaginable.

BigBlock440 > Arrivederci
06/09/2016 at 10:31

Just because they have a passenger and are yelling at you, doesn’t mean they aren’t drunk or drugged.

HammerheadFistpunch > Arrivederci
06/09/2016 at 10:32

Depends on who you ask. If you ask my wife if you don’t use your brakes to prevent tailgating status you are bring a jerk. It’s probably best to avoid tailgating whenever...but...It’s absolutely being an asshole for them to self police a road like that. Dangerous too

450X_FTW > Arrivederci
06/09/2016 at 10:33

Nope, definitely not.

Arrivederci > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht
06/09/2016 at 10:33

You’re probably right. I’m wondering if they started going slowly because they were looking for something in the car (ie- not necessarily paying attention to driving) and then all the sudden looked up and I was on their butt. Of course they didn’t realize they were going half the speed limit at that point.

crowmolly > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht
06/09/2016 at 10:33

Kinja'd!!!

functionoverfashion > Arrivederci
06/09/2016 at 10:34

In their eyes, yes. Big picture? So long as you didn’t flash your lights and honk at them from parallel-parking-close, then I’d say, no.

Just this morning I was in a similar situation. Going 55 in a 55 on a road where that’s a pretty generous speed limit. A car pulls out in front of me, again like your situation not really cutting me off, but I have to slow down because they are only going 45. No brakes, just coasting, so I get pretty close. They maintain 45 for no reason. Then there’s a construction zone with a 45 limit. They brake suddenly and HARD down to ~35 and I come pretty close to them again, but nothing more. I had to brake actually because their speed dropped so fast.

As we pass the actual construction equipment they brake HARD AGAIN down to maybe 25. Almost like they didn’t see the giant excavator until the last second, despite the orange signs, traffic director, cones, flashing lights and high-vis-vested guys leaning on shovels everywhere. Meanwhile, there’s a line of cars in front of us that’s pulling away because they’re all going about 40-45 like normal people in a 45 construction zone.

Suddenly with no brake lights, they put on a blinker and take a hard 90 degree right onto a side street. WTF? Drunk? Or angry? Or just bad driving? By whom?

ADabOfOppo; Gone Plaid (Instructables Can Be Confusable) > Arrivederci
06/09/2016 at 10:36

No.

They were clearly incapable of driving. I would also still report them, but without a dash-cam to verify, it will be difficult to prove you did nothing wrong. They will be telling a story about the aggressive dickhead who kept tailgating them, never mind they clearly weren’t capable of maintaining their speed and slowed to dangerously low levels at multiple points in your drive with them.

Wombles.

Arrivederci > functionoverfashion
06/09/2016 at 10:37

That’s very similar - I just wonder what people’s problems are. I never honked, flashed or anything. Once they accelerated again, I let normal following distance resume. I just don’t understand, but they clearly did think I was the asshole!

Rico > Arrivederci
06/09/2016 at 10:37

Definitely not an asshole but IMO you should’ve sped right past them and left them in the dust. That’s what I do when I am behind clueless, mindless drivers that don’t seem to be aware of their surroundings/the speed limit.

In my opinion indecisiveness is what causes most accidents, so I don’t let the indecisiveness of other drivers put me or my car in jeopardy.

This is how I learned my lesson, I was on the highway in the left lane in moderately flowing traffic and a 2013 Honda Accord in the middle lane kept drifting into the left lane. He did it once I beeped the horn, when I saw him do it again I beeped the horn again, I wanted to pass but I was afraid I would be side swiped. He did it again and I laid on the horn, in hindsight I should’ve dropped a gear and sped past him the first time around; but due to MY indecisiveness when I decided to speed past the asshole drifted again and I sheared his mirror off and in the process it twisted my mirror in the opposite direction. That time it was just the mirror but it could’ve easily been the entire right side of my car.

Even if it means going around them “aggressively” aka just faster than they are going. Let’s say while they slowed down to the 25 MPH they decided they left something at home and slammed on their brakes- oblivious to their surroundings causing you to rear end them, now you have a new headache on your hands. This is my thought process when I see people driving erratically.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > HammerheadFistpunch
06/09/2016 at 10:38

I figure if I see that they are going slow, and begin to coast down to their speed because there’s no opportunity to pass, and STILL need to brake at the end of it... They’re a dick.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > BigBlock440
06/09/2016 at 10:41

Never exclude ordinary stupidity or entitlement or both. Even if the number of people who are too flat out dumb/crazy to drive is less than the number who drive drunk or high, they’re like that all the time . Hell of a force multiplier.

Arrivederci > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer
06/09/2016 at 10:41

This is pretty much my stance on it too, but they initially started out going about 35, which I coasted down and matched with a normal following distance. Then they hit the sweeper and slowed down even further, which brought me closer in. I just don’t understand it.

functionoverfashion > Arrivederci
06/09/2016 at 10:41

See, I have the same issue sometimes. I wonder.

Long story short, a guy with a contractor truck and trailer pulled out across a wide road with a shared turning lane the other day, causing me to come to a complete stop from 35mph (the speed limit). I honked briefly because, come on. And the guy stops COMPLETELY while now blocking the entire road, just to yell at me from probably 100 feet away. I just sat there with my hands up, then smiled and gave him the thumbs up when he finally decided to stop blocking all traffic on a busy road.

My 3 year old in the back seat says, “Dada, why did he stop right there? Why is he blocking the road?” I answered, “He’s having a bad day I think. His mommy probably forgot to give him a hug and kiss before leaving the house. Good thing you got your hug and kiss, right buddy?”

But sometimes I wonder...

Arrivederci > HammerheadFistpunch
06/09/2016 at 10:42

I get that too - I just am in the habit of not using my brakes unless necessary. Maybe I should change to avoid (unintentionally) causing this behavior.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > Rico
06/09/2016 at 10:43

This. If someone is being unpredictable, I WILL get by, one way or another. It’s not necessarily that I want to go faster, it’s that I don’t like you’re driving and I want no part in the accident that will eventually happen.

Arrivederci > Rico
06/09/2016 at 10:44

This was a two-lane road and sight lines weren’t great, but I did consider it. My fear was what you described would happen, so I just followed cautiously. I honestly did think that they may have been intoxicated somehow until the passenger yelled at me. Then I realized they just thought I was an asshole and decided to be an asshole in retribution.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > Arrivederci
06/09/2016 at 10:45

With the exception of leaving it too late and rear-ending someone, everyone behind will thank you if you maintain your current habits.

Arrivederci > functionoverfashion
06/09/2016 at 10:47

I’m starting to feel like I attract it myself. :(

But, to your point, we don’t know what’s going on in other people’s lives, they could be having a bad day and something we do sets them off.

Rico > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer
06/09/2016 at 10:47

Exactly it’s not a speed thing at all. If doing 15 MPH over to get past an erratic driver avoids me spending thousands of dollars in repairs or worse, medical bills and litigation, then I’m going around you.

I will not be sitting in a court room, repair shop or hospital bed thinking damn all I had to do was speed past this fuckin idiot.

LongbowMkII > Arrivederci
06/09/2016 at 10:47

Nah, save your brakes.

Arrivederci > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer
06/09/2016 at 10:47

And that’s why I drive that way - overuse of brakes leads to slow traffic unnecessarily.

merged-5876237249235911857-hrw8uc > Arrivederci
06/09/2016 at 10:50

I’m surrounded by assholes... Me on a daily basis driving in metro Detroit. I blame cell phones mainly, well, not the phones themselves, but the self important pricks that can't figure out how to set up Bluetooth on their new car. Can't fix stupid, only try to avoid it hitting you.

Arrivederci > merged-5876237249235911857-hrw8uc
06/09/2016 at 10:53

That’s the truth - my fiancee was just rear-ended this week by someone messing with his phone. Fortunately a low-speed accident with no injuries and he was as apologetic as could be. Just a new bumper cover on her car, his fared much worse.

cazzyodo > Arrivederci
06/09/2016 at 11:00

I knew it!

Kinja'd!!!

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer
06/09/2016 at 11:16

I’ve done that quite a few times by me

When I’m watching this car either slam on their brakes at every intersection because they are lost or are unable to hold a lane, I will do whatever to not be behind then anymore.

PartyPooper2012 > Arrivederci
06/09/2016 at 11:21

nope... people are just nuts

Long while back, I am driving normal speed at normal following distance... This douche in front of me just keeps tapping his brakes. No reason at all. car in front of him is far ahead. he’s just tapping away. I flashed him a couple of time. nothing. Eventually I sped up and went around him.... boy did he get angry. Started to tail gate me... holding something up to the windshield. I came to a red light with a car in front of me. he blocks me from behind... and gets out... flashes his tiny little badge. Turns out he’s some sorts of a janitor or detective... still not clear at a local precinct. Takes my car keys and license. Orders me to follow him to precinct after giving me my keys back. So I do. He goes inside to do whatever he does... comes back and gives me my license back. After few more insults my way, I tell him im sorry, but you kept tapping your brakes non stop for no reason. he thinks for a minute and walks away. Douche of douches. Probably didnt even know he was tapping away

PartyPooper2012 > Rico
06/09/2016 at 11:28

Memorial day weekend, some guy in a pickup was swerving all over 95. Once or twice... wife and I figured he was texting. 3rd or 4th time... we called cops thinking he’s either drunk, high or needs medical attention. Followed him for few more exits till we saw state trooper pull out and follow him for a bit. Eventually he pulled him over.

I hate calling cops for anything, but in this case, he was going to kill someone.

If you don’t like me behind you, wave me on and let me pass. flashing hazards or swerving is just going to get me to call the cops on you.

functionoverfashion > Arrivederci
06/09/2016 at 11:31

That’s part of it... really any time someone’s reaction seems inappropriately scaled to the situation, there’s probably something else going on. Having dealt with customers who were kinda bipolar alcoholic, that’s an obvious case of “something else going on.” You had to appease them at times, but not give in too much when they were visibly drunk and angry, in case they remember.

TheRealBicycleBuck > Rico
06/09/2016 at 11:33

I was taught to keep the erratic driver in front of me so I can see and react to the things they do. Once they are behind you, you have fewer options.

Manwich - now Keto-Friendly > Arrivederci
06/09/2016 at 11:46

Nah... I’d say the other person is a slowpoke-idiot who doesn’t know how to take a curve...

smobgirl > Arrivederci
06/09/2016 at 11:58

I had a guy do this to me once on a dirt/gravel Forest Service road. Except he genuinely didn't see me. Which I found out the hard way after he stopped to read a road sign and I stopped patiently behind him (instead of going around like I should have) and he put his minivan into reverse and just backed into me. He tried to claim he didn't see me. I'd been behind him for nearly 10 minutes.

Rico > TheRealBicycleBuck
06/09/2016 at 12:17

Once they are behind you, WAYYYY behind you (hence leaving them in the dust) they are a non-issue.

Leaving them in front of me means I have to hope when they do something stupid that the person behind me is also paying attention and if they careen into some other cars directly next to or front of me I’d rather not have a front row seat to the mayhem that’s about to take place.

TheRealBicycleBuck > Rico
06/09/2016 at 12:23

“Once they are behind you, WAYYYY behind you (hence leaving them in the dust) they are a non-issue.”

The problem is that there is no guarantee that you can leave them behind. There may be something ahead that impedes your ability to get wayyyyy ahead of them. Some of them take getting passed as an opportunity to further their tomfoolery. Once you are in front, they can speed up or slow down to make sure they stay behind you. It puts them in control.

Rico > TheRealBicycleBuck
06/09/2016 at 12:27

I can’t say I’ve ever experienced that. Here in NYC we get a bunch of drivers that don’t know wtf they are doing, they are slowing down for no apparent reason, left blinker on when turning right, stopping in the middle of the intersection to read a sign or take a picture. I don’t bother with any of it, and just speed right past.

As a matter of fact, when I’m in my car I always feel in control, except when I’m talking to the cops lol. Even if there is traffic ahead I create enough of a gap that someone else will easily and quickly get behind me. More often than not the random idiot driver is almost always in a shit car that can’t get out of its own way so a liberal application of torque usually gets me many car lengths ahead and I keep it that way.

DynamicWeight > Arrivederci
06/09/2016 at 12:41

You weren’t being an asshole, but if you slow down in general and leave a lot of following distance, all the assholes kind of disappear. And the ones who are still around become obvious and hilarious instead of dangerous.

TheRealBicycleBuck > Rico
06/09/2016 at 12:51

I suppose it depends on the type of idiot who’s in the way. One who’s actively being an ass, like the one described in the lead post, is one that I’d prefer to keep in front of me. Same goes for drunks.

If they are just not paying attention, I’d probably pass too, but that choice came back to bite me in the ass once. I passed a guy who I appropriately named Mr. Not Paying Attention. After passing him, we got caught at the same light in the left-turn lane. He managed to stop for that, but since I wasn’t the first in line, I couldn’t make a quick getaway. I was trying to keep an eye on him, so when the light changed, I noticed he didn’t go with us. When the guy in front of me stopped to turn into an apartment complex, there was no place for me to go. I watched in the mirror as Mr. Not Paying Attention rear ended me. It was then that I realized Mom was right. I shouldn’t have passed him in the first place.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > TheRealBicycleBuck
06/09/2016 at 13:34

Simple solution: Take each situation case by case.

For the most part I tend to blow by them and then take care not to get into a situation where I could be near them. I often get into a different lane if I can’t put a car or two between us. Sure, it might make you feel a bit dumb if they pass you as you wait for the lights, but it’s better than feeling their bumper. You’ve given yourself breathing room to start, and then you’ve found yourself a comfy niche entirely surrounded by not_that_guy. Whether you get there faster or not is immaterial, though it’s a nice feeling.

And in that case you mentioned, there’s no guarantee you wouldn’t have been in that accident if you had been behind. He would have rear-ended the guy that was turning, and if you’d failed to notice the guy in front stopping, “Mr. Not Paying Attention” wouldn’t have given you any brake light cues—you hit him and probably be considered at fault since you’d be the guy at the back.

Basically what I’m saying is each method has it’s place and no matter which one you use, when something goes wrong haindsight is always 20/20.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > smobgirl
06/09/2016 at 13:48

Mirrors? We don’t need no damn mirrors...

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > DynamicWeight
06/09/2016 at 13:48

You end up becoming the thing you hated.

/sortofserious

DynamicWeight > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer
06/09/2016 at 14:01

IKR, growing up is weird.

BigBlock440 > DynamicWeight
06/09/2016 at 14:08

They disappear for a minute, then you catch right back up to them.

CaptDale - is secretly British > Arrivederci
06/09/2016 at 18:48

No you aren’t the asshole. Some people don’t understand driving and never will. Which is scary